Wednesday, February 11, 2009
V day is coming!!! I am so excited and worried at the same time. Excited that I can spend a second Valentine with dear again but worried that she might like not the gifts on that day lol.
Anyway after reading my sis blog and since Valentine day is in three days time, I myself feel like writing about my first crush or should I say the first girl I chased in my life....anyway for those who are uninterested about lovey dovey stuff please leave now in case the following cause you to feel unwell lol
Hmmm....where should I even begin...For simplicity sake I shall name this girl "R" bah. Hey sis in case you think I am copying you, I called her R since the time I fall in love in with her so it is just a concidence we both use R to represent the person we used to like lol.
Anyway, R was in the same cca as me in sec sch from sec 2 to sec 4. She is a year younger than me and at that time, I still haven fallen in love with her. I only thought that out of all the girls in my cca that time. she was the cutest lol. Near the middle or end of sec 3, I begin to become attracted to not only her looks but also her character. But as I look like absolute crap then, I really didnt dare to chase her.
And then when I was sec 4, I know my time is about to run out. So I begin to change myself to even have the right to chase her...I begin to exercise frequently, learn to dress better (which I am still learning lol), learn to be more initiative...and without her as a motivation I doubt I can even look like what I am right now...
Anyway, I begin to find chances to spend time with her in cca and by that time, the whole cca was teasing about me and her. At first, it was kind of fun and exciting but soon it was sadness as deep down I know no matter how I change, R will just never fall for a guy like me. After all, at that time she liked a tall and handsome basketball guy and there was no way she will like a short and unattractive guy like me...
But a friend sms me on the last day of our cca performance to tell me to not live my life with regrets and just tell her how I feel... and thanks to him I did...although not in person...and I didnt even gave her the chance to reject me cos I told her I know I wasnt good enough for her...in fact this blog also started partly due to her...and she was also the first girl I bought a birthday present for....
If anyone bothered to read my archives, you will know how "scary" I was last time lol and I still thought she will find it sweet (haha I was so dumb back then). My friends may tell me that she is not the most pretty girl in the world but at that time, something just attracted me to her as though she is the only person that my heart will love...words like "I will love you forever" are used so carelessly nowadays and even I am guilty of that then.
I still rmb folding hundreds of small little hearts to put into the gift box of her birthday present at the end of sec 4 lol but in the end I took them all out cos I want her to think that I no longer love her then lol. In fact I dont think she even know now that I folded so many hearts for her haha!
It has been so long (actually only about 1 year plus bah but it still feel very long lol) since I last saw her already. Right now, I no longer think about her like last time le. She is more like a little sister to me right now. Cos most of the time, she is always so worried about her results and I always have to tell her not to worry (which is true cos she is really very smart) like a brother reassuring his little sister. So now she is just like a very smart little sister that I enjoy talking to haha. I can never forget the heart beating super fast feeling when I was sitting near her during cca days..and it will be a memory I cherish for the rest of my life...
Even though I know she may not be reading this, I just wanna say...Thank You R! For being my motivation to change and allowing me to learn how to chase a girl...without you, my V day this year just might be spent alone lol. So thank you so much for letting me become who I am right now ^^
Otherwise, I am sure my dear also wont love the fat and short guy that I was in sec 3 lol (hey wait I am still short haha). And Dear, dont worry...my heart belongs only to You right now... Love You k!! Thank You dear for teaching me how to be a boyfriend, a lover and a husband... ^^
And dear although it is in my nature to be nice and caring towards girls, I will only be super sweet to You k. And I hope I will not longer talk in a way that makes You think I am flirting with girls. In fact, I am sure most if not all of the girls I talked to didnt feel that I was flirting with them so dont worry k. Yup. I guess this is the end of my lovey dovey post le. Wishing everyone, be it single or attached, a very blissful and amazing Valentine Day ahead. Enjoy! ^^
"Love is simply...amazing...
and it is all because of You...my beloved Dear..."
>(S), 2/11/2009 05:02:00 AM<
